Road Closed

Road Closed: Your journey lies along another path. You’ve got to let all that go now.

These words jumped off the page at me as I read them in John Eldredge’s The Journey of Desire. It seems like I have come across so many Road Closed signs recently in my life journey. You know when things in life just are not quite working out as planned or expected. Job possibilities fall through, relationships end, work doesn’t progress as hoped, cars break down, technology fails to come through, etc. Sometimes these obstacles require pushing through (driving past the Road Closed sign), other times they require a slight detour, and yet other times they require a whole re-working of travel plans—including perhaps changing destinations. It seems that recent events in my life have been calling for the latter, but it has been hard to get my heart to go along with it. After all, won’t I miss out on something if I can’t follow the road I set out on? I mean, I won’t actually reach the destination that I have been longing for, in the way I had hoped, and in the time I had allocated.

In his book, Eldredge make the distinction between an arranger and a journeyer. These are really two opposite approaches to living. There are those that live life by attempting to arrange for the kind of life they really desire. If only I could work hard enough, the approach says, or be clever enough, or have enough money, then I could get myself (and others) in a position to really reach out and satisfy the deep desires and longings of my heart.

The opposite approach is one of the journeyer. Now the journeyer no doubt works hard—it is never easy to walk through life. But there is a subtle difference of attitude. The journeyer is one who no longer depends on his own ability to arrange for stuff, even the stuff I so deeply desire. The journeyer is not frantic to control and possess. The journeyer is able to relax and enjoy what comes his way because he is free from being ruled by desire. This does not mean that we no longer desire stuff, but rather that we let go of the need, ability, and compulsion to satisfy those desires in our way and our own timing. It is desire at rest.

As Eldridge points out, when things go wrong in our life's journey of desire we only have three options: 1) to be alive and thirsty, 2) to be dead, or 3) to be addicted. The first is the route of the journeyer. The second is the route of the spiritualizer—the one who kills desire. The third is the route of the indulger/avoider. In this way we can see how the second and third options really mirror each other, i.e., they are both varieties of arranging. It is often subtle how the appearance of spirituality is really a disguise of its opposite.

In any event, it seems clear that the first option is the best of the three, but also the more difficult. It is difficult, I suppose, because it is a bit paradoxical. Eldridge says you can tell which option you have chosen to live by asking yourself: What am I waiting for? Is there anything I ardently desire that I am doing nothing to secure?

I hope you see the subtle difference between trying to arrange for life, and engaging in life as a journeyer. You see someone could claim to be a journeyer by passively waiting, when their waiting is really a disguise for their fear of walking the path mapped before them. Waiting is not passive, and it is by no means easy on the heart. The Scriptures speak often of waiting and it is most often linked with grieving or groaning.

Sometimes the little Road Closed signs that I come across in life simply tap into the vast reservoir of disappointment I have stored up from living so long as an arranger. Now we see that being an arranger, while less difficult in one sense, is more difficult in another. If you think it is hard to live as a hopeful journeyer, try living as a hopeful arranger. Not only are the odds against you, but being a spiritualizer or an addict kills hope all together.

To help live as a journeyer, Eldridge suggest two disciplines: worship and grief. The first is perhaps self-explanatory, but the latter may seem puzzling. Put briefly, grieving is an important aspect of letting go of the compulsion to arrange for life. It helps work surrender into our hearts. As Eldridge writes: “Desire is still present, felt, welcomed even. But the will to secure is made subject to the divine will in an act of abandoned trust. True surrender is not an easy out, calling it quits early in the game. It comes only after we open our hearts to care deeply. Then we choose to surrender, or give over, our deepest desires to God. And with them we give over our hearts, our deepest selves.”

As I was thinking through these issues I came across this passage from Galatians 3 in the Message: “The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.” That phrase “embracing what God arranges” has been ringing in my head for several weeks now. That is the life of the journeyer. So Road Closed signs are really opportunities to embrace what God has arranged. They are reminders that we are on a journey, and despite some obstacles we are at least still on the road.

“The more comfortable we are with mystery in our journey, the more rest we will know along the way.”